Poetry

Sorry, I know we’re running out of time
The planet’s on fire
And you’re busy pouring petrol
The flames are beautiful as they lick around our twisted limbs
Aren’t they?
Carbon turns to carbon turns black grey ash
And I breathe you in as you breathe me out
Smear soot fingerprints on the glass
As it smashes when the heat forces its way through
Billow up into the atmosphere
Smoke sharp in your lungs
I’m burning up and you’re smiling and I think:
“oh, I guess this is what you meant,
when you said that I could be lovely”
I turn through colours blue yellow white
A birthday candle hushed out by the breeze
Can you smell the death of me? Of this?
Kiss me hard and scorch me like you’re cauterising a wound
I can’t feel my tongue anymore as it makes its way around words I wish I’d said
“run away with me, run away with me, run away with me”
You laugh like an explosion and it pierces like shrapnel
And it’s in the bones of me now
“I chose you” you say voice nearly lost to the wind
“I chose you because you had long since washed up on the soar and dried out, the salt of you shaken away”
“I chose you” you say
“because you looked back”
You strike the match and it bends my spine like willow
“You were perfect” you assure me
And as I’m eaten away
I repeat that to myself
“You were perfect”
Oh.

Is this my fault?

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It’s been a thousand years or twenty minutes since I last wanted to die
Definitely one of the two
I’ve been counting my breaths, are you counting as well?
There’s something inside of me that’s golden,
This core of hope I can’t seem to qwell and I was wondering if you had any advice about that?

I’m a billion years old or I haven’t been born yet
Definitely one of the two
I exist in star stuff and the cosmic rays hitting the windowsill
I’m a long way from home, that much I know
Yet I’ve been here all along
Isn’t that strange?

I want to tell you what it’s like to be a moon to your sun
To reflect back light like a child reflecting love
Existing is –
Hard.

When you shimmer soft and glow yellow
I think to myself of the night sky and how dark it was up there
The sun is just another star, after all
And stars burn up all the time
So there I was, cold, alone, knowing that somewhere you were burning
And I was, what? A hunk of rock
Orbiting you, hoping you’d let me in

I’ll see you again when the daffodils bloom
And I promise I’m still breathing
There doesn’t seem like there’s enough air in this room for two
So maybe I’ll stay alone for a little while
If I have nothing to reflect then will I see myself?
Is that how this works?
Is it?

I collect you in the between moments
When there’s a lull in conversation and a gentle contentment washing through
I’ve been to space you know
And I crash landed in the ocean
And you know what I thought as I hit the water?
Dammit, I thought, dammit, I want to live

It’s not like that every day
But for today
With nothing but these words
I want to be here

And maybe tomorrow I’ll tell you something different
Because there are no straight lines when you move in eclipses
But right now?
It’s okay
And that’s all I can offer you
I hope that’s enough.