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Oh these words don’t come so simple
When you’ve kept them locked away
And these bones are far too brittle
To lead you to astray

I tried to make you bleed
But I couldn’t make a fist
I tried to make you whimper
But we’ve never even kissed

This heart’s as easy to the beat
As it ever was
See you drowning in the heat
Of salt water clean us off

Kids we cried
We’re kids is all
Not old but bold and graceful yet
We’re kids we cried
Just kids not yet
Not ready for the bow
Yet crow’s feet tell a different tale
Like milk you’ve left us out

If you want words
I know them all
I’ll pour them out for you

Yet dreams we crash against the cliff
Darling one and you?

Kids we cried
We’re kids is all
Etc

I can love the bones of you
With luck that’s all that’s left
So eke the marrow out from me
The rot has set in quick

Yesterday could be someone
We’re not someone today
We tried our hardest
Made them laugh
Made them cry along the way

Kids we cried
We’re kids is all
Etc

Kids we cried
That’s all we’ll be
Til there’s nothing left at all
Never did grow up all the way
Sorry that’s my fault

Really rough phone recording of ideas, if you want to hear me talking to myself.
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So now you’ve peaked at thirty
And nobody’s here to save you
So you shove down bile
Like cheap whiskey
The burn in your throat
Asks if you’re still thirsty?

Like maybe there could be more than this
Like maybe you could breathe
Like maybe you’re not just wasted air
Between one blink and the grave

So now your bones are curving inwards
And your body shakes at night
Salt sweat brow on pillow case
Are these dreams sweet dreams
What you thought they would be?

So now you’re damned and empty yet
Howling wind in hollow frame
Do these screams belong to you?
Or is it just a noise you make
To keep your insides from spilling out

So now you’re older than you ever meant to be
You promised yourself a morphine drip
Six years gone and you’re still here
So now, so now, so now, you cry
So what? They say, times have changed
Leave your face in the mirror
And forget about shoes
Go outside in barefeet what’s there to lose?
This place is a prison, you’ll say it again
Yet you built it yourself you chose the fucking bars
So tell me again about what you think you deserve
And I’ll drive the white horses acting as hearse
Climb in, climb in, last call, let’s go
But dammit you’re not done but guess your number’s up
Tell a joke, it’s gallows humour and nobody laughs
Any last words for the audience due to applaud?
No. I didn’t think so. Call this your remorse.

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I have this dream – clean white sheets and the sun streaming in – dust motes in the air, getting caught in the rays – and it’s morning – it’s morning and I’ve been awake a little while – still drowsy but there’s nowhere to be so it’s okay – maybe it’s a weekend or maybe we made it – we don’t have to get up because our lives don’t depend on nine til five – I don’t know. But our hands – my left and your right – we’ve got them – I don’t know how to say it, sort of raised in the air between us, and it’s like a sense memory – none of this ever happened – but I can feel what it was like to push your fingers down and play with them – sliding my fingers between them like they were meant to be there – finding the tiny webs between them and being in awe of how delicate it all is – and how I wanted to bite at your knuckles because I was so in love that I wanted to hurt – like when you see something so beautiful you want to destroy it? And I dragged my nails down your wrist, gently, not even leaving marks, tracing the veins there and you were so breakable like maybe your bones were hollow and your skin shone in the morning light like maybe you were something otherworldly and you were, to me. And I remember thinking how lucky I was to have this. Like amber solidifying. This one moment. And it never happened. But God, it’s in my head and I can picture and feel every goddamn second of it, and if that isn’t the worst goddamn thing you ever heard –

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Need a bullet to the brain to clear my head
But I think I’d rather be dead instead
Learnt about Kurt Cobain when I was too young to know better
And now I crave that Seattle weather