They say it’ll eat you up inside –
That it’s not therapist advised –
But the therapists don’t email back –
And my promise is already charcoal black.
So leave me my spite –
Let me keep living in spite –
Because what happened when I was young (and when I first realised the war was far from won)
Drives drives drives me onwards –
Teaches me how to disobey orders –
Tells me that to die is to die (and that if you don’t laugh you might as well cry)
No new beginnings and no fresh starts –
But the smallest resilience from broken hearts –
To deny what made me?
Too clean, too easy (let me bleed let me curse let me drown in it).